Shake Ups

For some time, I have been feeling very quite blah. I was in a job that I was fed up with and my love life is (and still is) in the craper and my physical health was not great. I was very unhappy with how my life was at the time and I was just fed up. Then one day, something magical happened. Okay it wasn't magic but it felt like a breath of fresh air. While I was on Instagram, I saw some post from Adrienne Bosh (NBA star Chris Bosh's wife) and it was a book. The book was really pretty (sparkly and pink) and I thought to myself, "that's a cute book" but I kept scrolling down my timeline. Then she started posted quotes from the book and I was finding all of the quotes that she posted can be applied to my life some way and some how. So I followed the author and that was that.
 So one day, the 4th of July, the author, Cara Alwill Leyba, said she was giving away the kindle version of her book The Champagne Diet. I quickly added the app on my tablet and got the book. I loved it! I was reading it at any moment that I could. At work, at night, when I was out and about, anywhere. The book wasn't long at all, which made it even more enjoyable. Anyway, I took to heart some of the things she spoke about in the book and after I finished reading the book, I had a new outlook on life.
On July 17th, the unthinkable happened: I lost my job. I was somewhat crushed but then again, I wasn't. I was crushed because I had bills to pay and I couldn't afford to be without a job. I also, however, felt relieved. I honestly did not like my job. I couldn't really relate with the nurses there, I couldn't stand my boss, the hours conflicted with my school schedule, I was just unhappy there. Plus the company did not pay enough nor did I feel like a valued employee. So yes a part of me was relieved. Instead of going home and crying and getting drunk, I simply paid my light bill, made a money order for next month's rent and saved some money for a couple of my bills.  I bout a nice healthy dinner and that was that. Now I'm not gonna lie, at times I wanted to break down and cry dimly because I didn't have any money. It just wasn't fair.
I kept thinking about the things that I read in The Champagne Diet and I felt myself picking up the pieces. I also bought her other book Sparkle which also kept me encouraged through my journey.  It was like something finally clicked in my head. There were, however, times when i questioned God's purpose in all of this. I went on so many interviews that ended in me not getting hired that I was thinking of giving up. However, I thought to myself, maybe this is a good thing, and it was.
I recently got offered a job at a school, which is wanted, and I couldn't be happier. I know that all jobs are not gonna be all fun and games but...its in my career field plus I'll be making more money than I did at my previous job. And its right around the corner from my house! This was such a blessing to me!
Anyway, I say all this to say that its okay when life gives you shakeups, its okay. Shakeups are not a bad thing. Maybe its to humble you. Maybe its to strengthen you. Maybe its to test your faith. Or maybe its used as a promotion. Everything happens for a reason and its up to use not to lose ourselves at that moment.  We must trust in God that everything will work out. Its scary when life throws you a curb ball. Its all about revamping the way you think and the way you do things. My life isn't perfect, but as I said, I got a better job while I'm in school, I'm working out more and drinking soda a lot less,  started reading for enjoyment, and I'm blogging again (I'm trying to do better. I promise). I believe that one day God will bless me with a man (a girl got dreams) and everything will be as it should be.

BTW if you're interested in checking out her books, check them out on Amazon or you can go to her website, which is her name. Her blog is called ironically: The Champagne Diet. Or simply click the links on this blog.http://thechampagnediet.blogspot.com    and http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_7?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=cara+alwill+leyba&sprefix=cara+al%2Caps%2C175

Toodles!

Ahh...To Be Young and In Love....It Sucks!

I'll be 28 this year (yikes) and my luck with love has just been so sad. I have had nothing but lows and very few highs. First of all, let me make this clear: I have never in my life had a boyfriend. There I said it. An you know what? It sucks. I'm such a hopeless romantic and I love love and the idea of being of love but yet, I'm unlucky with love. I'm always the one being the third wheel. The one thats always sad. I'm always the one chasing after someone who don't want me. I have such a huge desire to just settle down and want a family that I just....It sucks.        

Not gonna lie. I have a type: Latino, a bit younger than me, and good looking. I know, its horrible. Before, i preferred mixed guys or those that were light skinned but I totally give up on the Black male race to be honest. Especially with this new generation, they are a mess and I simply don't have time for it. With that being said,  I have opted for an interracial relationship. I mean, deep down I have always since like high school had a desire for all things Latin.Its so true. Like I loved Selena and Reegaeton and Spanish music...I loved it all. The culture is so rich (like ours). Its really interesting to me. Not trying to be a stan (stalker fan) or anything, but I love it. I'm not sure why but I just have a love for it. Any who you can guess the first problem with finding my type: location. Im in school in Tallahassee. Most hispanic guys are either down south or in Orlando. Now I'm not saying that there are no hispanics at all up here, just not a good amount and I definitely do not see any around me and the people I hang with.  Can't really do too much about because I'm in school and I'm up here so until i graduate, this is what I must endure. Also, my funds are very very much limited so I can't really make that 7 hr drive home to Miami, which also sucks. So thats my first real issue. My next issue is that since they're not really that many Latinos up here, they don't want a long distance relationship. They see our distance as a problem. Usually when guys ask me where I go to school the usual answer is "Oh". Now that sucks too.

My next issue is that, honestly since I haven't had much experience with even talking to guys, things can get quite awkward. Its pathetic really. I say all the wrong things, encounter plenty of awkward silences, and I just don't know how to act around guys. I also have the tendency to do whatever they want and I mean that literally. Anything they want they can have, which is a big no no in itself. I don't speak my mind and who is gonna wife a doormat? So yes I fault myself. I also fault myself because I tend to go for jerks. Hot looking jerks (need I say more?). So yes another area that I fault myself.

Now here's a little timeline of my situations:

1. (2005-2009) I fall for someone who I've known for years when I first arrived up here for school. School was not my focus and I neglect caring for myself. Depression was getting deep at this point. I went stalker mode on him and pretty much gave up on myself. He wouldn't give me the time of day. Pretty dark place to be in. No bueno
2. (2009) I met L.L. (latin lover is what I'll call him) on Facebook. Hot Hot Hot but way younger than me. In fact he was a freshman in college. I spent one night with him and then another time he ignored me. Boy was I pissed. I mean didn't sleep with him but still I was pissed. What did I do to deserve that?
3. (2009) Fake t.i. i met at walmart. Physically things went too far then I got ignored. Pissed? You bet! 
4. (2009) Back to liking L.L. He is just so attractive
5. (2010) I met someone on Facebook who was dominican. He moved down here for school and was from Jersey. He was kinda of short but he was so cute. So i hung out with him one day. Just watched a movie and then after that he kept making up excuses of why he couldn't see me. Devestated? Yes!! One day he totally just stopped talking to me.
6. (2010-2013) I met the demon (devil really but I'll just call him demon). The biggest user, lazy, abusive person ever!!! Like he is still annoying is disrespectful. He don't care about anyone but himself. Its the truth. I been got tired of him of later on it really showed cause I stopped doing as much as I used to for him. He took advantage of anyone and anything and honestly its sad. He recently tried to get back into my life but I just treated him the same way he treated me: I was cold. So now he's not talking to me. I know he don't know any other way to go about getting what he wants but still as a grown "man", he should know better. but I digress.Needless to say, my friends and family was so happy to see him go.
7. (2013) Back to liking my L.L. (see a pattern?). I was so into him but of course he didn't see me in that way. He only saw me something as he can get into physically (although things didn't get too physical with us. Heck barely anything had happen)
8. (2013-2014) I go home for thanksgiving and I happen to meet l.l. (I used little l's this time cause he was little and besides it distinguishes between the two) at a bar one night. Now...I wasn't trying to meet anybody. Just wanted to enjoy an evening with my cousin and my homegirl. But hey he was cute but two issues when him physically: he was chubby and short! I know i'm short but I'm not trying to be with no short guy. But I gave him a chance anyway. My location was a big deal to him at first. Then he wouldn't talk to me unless it was sexual which honestly gets on my nerves and bothers me. I wasn't for that. Sorry but I played along. While on a visit home, I thought I'd give him a call just as somebody to chill with but nope: got ignored. This is the second time that happened to me!!! After him I totally shut down. I mean stopped caring for myself. Only got up to go to work and to go to school. That was it. I did nothing to care for myself. I shut down
9. (2014) That leaves me to now: L.L. is back to being someone I want. I do. Things did (one time) go too far but hey I was in my feelings about l.l. and wasn't really thinking about it. Weeks later I felt angry and used. so the sadness set in. Who is gonna want me? Now though I want to try a different approach with him. I bought a couple of his clothing items that he is selling and I plan on buying more. I share on Facebook and twitter links that his company does. Trying to show him I support him. Now he says he's ready to settle down and get a girlfriend. Am I anywhere on his radar? Nope! Plus I'm out of town which totally sucks. I can't honestly wait to be done with school so that I can move back home and actually connect with someone (but I want L.L. so badly though). I would rather much be with him and I don't care the consequences. I gotta have him

So as you can see, my love life sucks. Hopefully it gets better bt so far, not so good. Go any advice or words of wisdom?